She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
