at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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