I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
