Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
