Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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