its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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