So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
