He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
