If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
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If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
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You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
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