that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
