one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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