Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
