I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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