God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
