I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
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The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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