Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If I had your ass I would rule the world
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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