oh god the rape fog is back!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
