hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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