Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
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I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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