I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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