the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
