please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
