Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
