the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
