I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you win again, gameday.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
