It's Friday. Sex?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
