He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
