sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
