I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
