My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you win again, gameday.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
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Someone shattered a urinal.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
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My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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