I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
