He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
