some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
