I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
