dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
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traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
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It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm having to shit out rocks
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