wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
