True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
