yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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