you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
