I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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