better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
