Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
