I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
