So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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