it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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