"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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