He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
