the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
