Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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