His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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