when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
