considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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