Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
