im drinking this country out of the recession.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
