I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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