so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
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i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
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I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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