If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Even my vagina gasped.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
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