she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
