Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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