Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
