we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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