All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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