i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
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On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
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PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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