i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
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I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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