My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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