Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
