just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
