Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
