Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
