ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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