I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Randomize
