i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
