You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
