You're completely useless in the revolution.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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