singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
