So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
