why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My pussy is not your playground.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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