I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
