god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
