So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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