You're so nebulous sometimes
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
