You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
