I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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